if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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