tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
