Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
