Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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