are you still at the devil's house?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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