my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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