awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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