we have pet lesbian snakes
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
