I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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