Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
