i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So apparently I’m into choking now
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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