I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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