i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
