I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
