yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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