there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
