it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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