Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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