So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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