Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
