dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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