you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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