After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
