is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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