And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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