Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
