you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
