Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I cockslap morals
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Alive.
So much puke
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
