so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
