he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It was like getting head from an anaconda
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
