All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
