i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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