So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
