I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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