after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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