So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
