I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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