Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
