I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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