Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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