he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
