Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
