i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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