Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
