Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
