when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
