Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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