Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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