i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
