Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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