; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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