He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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