Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
