Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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