i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
