I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
