i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
