Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He better not be in your backpack
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
