There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
