What did we do last night that was yellow?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
