Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
