Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
They are going to name an STD after you.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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